Dana Gutkowski
Latest posts by Dana Gutkowski (see all)
- How can I be a good aunt? - May 19, 2021
- Aunt Quotes - March 19, 2021
- End Your Silence. Support Black Lives Matter - June 29, 2020
Aunts need to maintain boundaries!
Have you ever seen a parent to your niece or nephew do something that makes you want to scream?
Do you find yourself biting your tongue and holding back judgmental comments when you’re in disagreement with their parenting styles?
You’re not alone, every Aunt has been in your position at least once. It’s difficult for Aunts to hold back when we’re in disagreement with the parents of nieces and nephews. But you know what else it is? Necessary.
There are very few times when I’ll chime in and “parent” my nieces or nephews in front of their parents. Most of the time, it’s up to the parent to set the rules, impose punishment, and reward good behaviors. It’s called parenting.
So what should you do?
Everyone has an opinion, and sometimes it’s hard to hold yours in even when you should. Many women would agree, the struggle to resist your urge to immediately jump in and “fix” a problem you see occurring (especially if the nibling is crying). I find this especially true when I see a parent fighting with their child.
Don’t butt in! This is a tough one that requires a lot of good judgment and you won’t always get it right. Don’t act, react, or butt-in immediately unless it’s completely necessary.
Parents are going to fight with their children. It hurts to see your niece or nephew crying, and of course, you want to make it stop, but parents need to parent and sometimes that means letting the children cry or be mad at them.
When a fight occurs in front of you.
If the parent puts the child in time out or sends them to their room, don’t interrupt. If the argument is more severe because they’re older, or you feel as though the parent or nibling is getting too emotional, don’t offer a solution with a lot of words. That can make it worse.
Instead, without commenting on the argument, suggest some space. Offer to go for a walk with one of them or invite one into a different room. Let them vent if need be.
Sometimes we don’t want advice, we just want to be heard by someone who will listen. They’ll just need a break from one another before they can be reasoned with or an argument can be settled.
If you disagree with their parenting style
Use your judgment and pick your battles. Good intentions aren’t always met with open ears. Many times when you make a comment on someone’s parenting style, all they hear is “This is why you’re a bad parent.”
BUT if you are in a circumstance where you feel like you need to speak up for yourself or defend your nibling, express how you feel without judgment towards the parent.
Just because they’re parents doesn’t mean they’re always right. Timing, tone, and how frequent your suggestions occur make all the difference. This is something to always consider before opening your mouth.
If you disagree with your niece or nephew
Sometimes parents are just spent and fed up. It happens. Parenting overload takes over and they just don’t have the time or energy to fight back or reprimand their children.
If you see this happening, it’s okay to chime in for the sake of the parent – but it shouldn’t happen too often.
It’s difficult to see a child sass their parent, but it’s important for them to work it out together. When you do choose to say something, your words will be more impactful because they’re not used to hearing from you. So if Auntie is saying something, I must really be doing something wrong. Children will become tone deaf and desensitized to your words if your first response is to always yell.
It’s important to step back and remember their biological age before you start reprimanding them.
They don’t necessarily know the severity of their words all the time so it isn’t fair to hold them to the standards of adults who should “know better”. They’re learning about boundaries and that means pushing them to see how far they can go. Keep that in mind.
Read more from my post How To Handle Your Sassy Tween Niece
Parenting is no easy task and we need to always keep that in mind. No matter what your position is in life, we’re all experiencing a series of failures, wins, and adjustments. I’s never exactly the same for any two people.
Aunts are one of the most supportive family members. It’s important for us to stay in our lanes, and to not judge what we don’t know. Be mindful and sensitive to other people’s circumstances because one day you might find yourself in their shoes.
If you enjoyed this post, you might also like:
