What To Do When Your Niece or Nephew Won’t Talk To You

The following two tabs change content below.

• Bio
• Latest Posts

Dana Gutkowski

I am the mother of none, but the very proud Aunt to four beautiful children. I did absolutely no work to create them, but I will do everything in my power to help raise them.

Latest posts by Dana Gutkowski (see all)

• How can I be a good aunt? - May 19, 2021
• Aunt Quotes - March 19, 2021
• End Your Silence. Support Black Lives Matter - June 29, 2020

Do you have a niece or nephew that’s giving you the silent treatment? Were you really close to them at one point, but now it feels like you’re strangers?

So what it is about kids? One minute they love us and the next they don’t want anything to do with us. It happens to everyone and from children of all ages.

Most of the time is has nothing to do with your relationship. Children are very emotional and sometimes emotions are confusing for everyone.

It’s important that you don’t take their fickle behavior personally. Rather, try to put their lives into perspective. It’s not about you, it’s about them. So what might make them stop talking to you out of no where?

Before you start tearing out your hair and blaming yourself, take a step back for a second and consider a few things first.

1.) How old are they?

If you’re dealing with a toddler, their moods fluctuate not only dramatically, but also within a short period of time. If they’re going through a growth spirt, if they’re sick, if they haven’t pooped – all of these things might set them off and you may get the silent treatment for a period of time.

If your niece or nephew are older, they might not have as a dramatic reaction to every little thing, but nonetheless, their emotions and hormones might be getting the best of them. It’s part of their growing pains.

2.) Was there a major change in their life?

Have their parents recently separated or divorced? Did they just move homes or schools? Has ther been a loss in the family?

Any major life change will set anyone off kilter. It takes time for new realities to settle in. They may be experiencing grief or feel lost and confused by their new circumstances.

3. When was the last time you saw them?

If you’re a long distance Aunt or family member and you’re trying to maintain a relationship with your niece or nephew, sometimes just being physically apart and then back together again will make children a little stand-offish.

They might be so excited to see you on Skype or FaceTime, but once you’re in person again, they look at you as if you’re a zombie waiting to eat their brains.

I’ve experienced all of these circumstances both as a long distance Aunt and with my niece who’s parents separated. I’ve gotten the cold shoulder, the looks of mistrust even though I didn’t do anything to set them off. And I know I’m not alone either. There are many others out there have experienced the same thing.

Fortunately, I’m not longer experiencing this dilemma. With time and consistent efforts (and by efforts I mean doing next to nothing), we’ve made our way back to our loving relationship.

So what do you do when you find yourself in this position?

It’ll all depend on why you’re receiving the silent treatment or emotional and physical distance from the child to know how to handle it. First, evaluate your personal situation. Once you have a better understand, you might find it beneficial to you to try the following:

1.) Don’t take it personally.

Whatever the struggle is that the child may be experiencing is just that – their struggle. If they’re giving you the silent treatment or have withdrawn from your relationship, it’s about their emotional struggle and internal battle.

If there haven’t been any fights or flat out disagreements between you two, it most likely has nothing to do with you. So don’t make it about you.

2.) Reach out to them, but don’t smother them.

It’s important for children to know that you’re there for them to talk to you, but it’s also important for them to make the decision to do the talking.

Sometimes all it takes is for them to have some space to sort out their emotions.

3.) Don’t force yourself on them.

Sometimes it’s hard to fight the parental instinct to want to protect, fix, and mend anything that’s causing pain and discomfort to a child. You want to get down to the nitty gritty and find out what’s causing their problems. But then we inevitably become overbearing and annoying. And that’ll drive them further away.

Instead, give them space. That means physically, emotionally, and intellectually – they need time to sort out their problems. It doesn’t mean that you have to disappear from plain sight or cut off communication completely. Continue to check in with them, no matter what their age.

4.) Don’t Try To Fix The Problem

More than likely, you won’t have the solution to their problem. If they are coming to you for advice, that’s one thing, but if they’re not speaking to you for the time being, they’re entitled to their silence and space.

Children of all ages have to learn how to problem solve. From tiny toddlers to transforming teenagers, problem solving is key to growing up.

4.) Ignore it

You might be experiencing the silent treatment because it’s an attention seeking behavior. Instead of taking the bait, ignore the silent treatment all together and go about your business as if nothing was wrong.

If you found this article helpful, you might also like:

[tqb_quiz id=’284′]