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Dana Gutkowski
I am the mother of none, but the very proud Aunt to four beautiful children. I did absolutely no work to create them, but I will do everything in my power to help raise them.
Latest posts by Dana Gutkowski (see all)
- How can I be a good aunt? - May 19, 2021
- Aunt Quotes - March 19, 2021
- End Your Silence. Support Black Lives Matter - June 29, 2020
Hello there fellow Aunts and Aunties. I have started a new series of blog posts called Auntieviews. I have sought after intelligent, active, and loving Aunts who would like to share their stories of Aunthood. This is Volume I of series where I’m featuring Debbie Danise-Acosta. I recently had the pleasure of meeting and subsequently interviewing this fantastic Aunt and fellow Long Islander. Debbie is a Controller for a large consulting company in New York City. She’s been an Aunt by relation for 27 years to her sister’s two children, Alyssa (27) and Anthony (22). She grew up in the Bronx, New York and lived there until she got married. In 2001, she and her husband decided to take a big leap and bought a home on Long Island to be closer to her sister and family.
Background.
Debbie and her husband are huge sports fans. If you’re in the New York Metropolitan area, there’s a good chance you’ll spot them at a home game, rooting for their favorite teams, the NY Giants, and The Islanders. And even though it’s sometimes hard to be a Mets fan, they still manage to find it in their hearts to make it to a few of their games too. But they don’t stop at professional sports either. Because Debbie’s niece is a UNC Chapel Hill alumni, Debbie and her husband have become huge UNC men’s basketball fans. They’re so devoted to that team that they planned their 20th wedding anniversary to Hawaii around the Maui Invitational Tournament where UNC was competing. UNC must have sensed it cause they gave them a great anniversary present – they won!
Debbie also travels a lot as another one of her hobbies. She’ll make sure to get away either near or far at least 3-4 times per year. So what does that have to do with her being a fantastic Aunt? Well, on at least 1 or 2 of those trips each year, she’ll bring her niece, nephew, or godchild along with her. You’re the best, Aunt Deb!
Pre-interview.
It quickly came to my attention during our lunch together the Debbie would be an ideal candidate for my Auntieviews. We shared similar viewpoints on how we view Aunthood and our niblings. Debbie said something that made me smile that day which pretty much sealed the deal for me. She said, “You don’t have to be a Mom to be a Mom.” So I asked her if she’d like to be interviewed to share her story as an Aunt and she graciously agreed.
The Interview.
Are you also a mother or are you a childless Aunt? If you were childless, is that by choice or by chance?
I am a childless Aunt by chance.
How do you feel about being childless by chance? Were you or are you upset by this? If so, how did you overcome it? Or is it something you still struggle with?
Yes, I was upset by this. I wasn’t the kind of girl/woman who always dreamed of being a mother, but I did want it to happen one day. Because we got married when we were both over 30, my husband didn’t really want to have kids (although he also loves kids). We agreed that if it happened, it happened. And then it didn’t. I was sad to realize that I wouldn’t have a child of my own. There are still times when I see a baby that I wish things had turned out differently, but I have accepted it. I also know that it’s likely I wouldn’t be able to travel and go out as often as we do now if we had a child. So I try to focus on what I have and spend as much time as possible with my niblings.
Do you live close to your nieces and nephews or are you a long-distance aunt?
I lived close to my niece and nephew until my niece went to the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. She graduated 4 years ago but decided to stay in NC, where she is now a 4th-grade teacher. My nephew has been at the University of Delaware for the past 4 years but is coming home to Long Island after he graduates this weekend.
Even though your niblings needs have evolved from when they were very young until now, is there anything that has remained a constant?
This may not be a “need” but they always check in with me when they have something important going on. For example, my nephew texted me a couple of weeks ago to tell me that he was going to his fraternity’s spring formal. It might not sound like much, but it means a lot to me that they still both want to tell me about what’s going on in their lives.
As an aunt what’s the biggest value you feel you bring to the family?
I am fiercely loyal to my friends and family and have tried to instill that in my niblings. I see it in my niece with her college roommate. They were roommates for all 4 years and have remained very close friends. Her roommate just graduated from medical school and my niece drove up for her “match” day and then flew up 2 weeks later for her graduation.
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What is one of the biggest difficulties you’ve experienced as an Aunt? How did you overcome it if at all?
My biggest difficulty has been when I didn’t agree with the way my sister did not discipline my nephew when he was around 2 years old. As background, our mother and father had died the year before and my sister, who had been very close to my mom, was having a hard time not having my mom around. My nephew wasn’t the best-behaved child, but when he was alone with me, he would listen to what he was told. Then when my sister would arrive, he would act out and not listen. It came to a point when I told my sister that I couldn’t be around them if she didn’t reprimand him. She did try to make him behave after that. I also would disengage with him if he was acting up. Happily, as he got a little older, he behaved so much better.
What’s your proudest moment as an aunt?
Seeing my niece grow into a confident young woman. When she left for college she seemed a little timid to try new things. She made friends with people from many different backgrounds and became very involved in her school. She even bungee jumped while she was in Switzerland–something that I almost wish she was too timid to try!
If you go back in time and give your younger and self a piece of advice but would it be? And why?
To not be afraid to get out of my comfort zone. I tend to stick with bad situations for much longer than I should. I get comfortable with things and worry that something new might be an even worse situation.
What is one good piece of advice that you would give it to any new Aunt?
If it’s their first time being around a newborn, don’t worry-babies are stronger than they look, so don’t be afraid to hold them. I still remember snuggling my niblings when they were just born. It is the greatest feeling in the world.
What’s your favorite thing to do with your niblings? Either currently or from when they were growing up.
My favorite thing to do with my niblings, both currently and when they were growing up, is our annual trip to Wildwood, NJ. When my sister and I were young, we went every summer with our family and my sister has kept that tradition going with her family. Being in a place that I loved as a child and then getting to experience it with many of my niblings (we have recently included my godsons and the kids of my very good friends) makes me very happy. I look forward to seeing everyone and having a good time every year.
I was once told that being a Mom is all cake and being an Aunt is like icing on the cake. How do you feel about that comparison?
I think that is an unfair comparison. Aunts are much more than sugar-coated toppings!
If you had to compare your relationship as an aunt to a food what would it be and why?
I never really thought about it, but the first thing that came to mind is that moms are like french fries and aunts are like sweet potato fries. A little different but both yummy.
Conclusion and Final Thoughts:
I hope that you enjoyed reading Debbie’s story. Like many of my fellow Aunts, you can see that she is quite active in her niblings lives. She’s worked hard throughout her years of Aunthood to establish strong bonds with them. Even though they are now Adults, the fact that they still turn to her to include her in their lives means that she’s done a fantastic job to nurture their relationship. I’d like to thank Debbie for sharing her story of Aunthood with my readers. I hope that her story inspires you all to start building a strong relationship with your niblings, both near and far.
I’d love to hear from more Aunts! If you’d like to share your story of Aunthood please contact me using the form below!
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