Dana Gutkowski
Latest posts by Dana Gutkowski (see all)
- How can I be a good aunt? - May 19, 2021
- Aunt Quotes - March 19, 2021
- End Your Silence. Support Black Lives Matter - June 29, 2020
Are you being asked to babysit family? Do you say yes, but on the inside, you really mean no? Are you saying yes just because you feel guilty? How do you say no to babysitting family?
Though it’s great to babysit family and it’s especially a great way to bond with children, babysitting can become burdensome. As you get older, life becomes more complicated. Schedules start to fill up, you have more of
However, no matter what you have going on in life, you’re allowed to say no to family.
Just because there’s a blood relation doesn’t mean that you’re a guaranteed babysitter. You have the right to say no. Failing to tell someone how you really feel about babysitting family can eventually turn into resentment on your part. If
You might want to say no if you…
- Don’t have the time
- Are uncomfortable with the child’s age
- Don’t like the child
- Are tired
- Don’t get paid
- Are overwhelmed with your own children
No matter what your reasoning is for not wanting to babysit family, you can say no. But how do you do it without causing a family feud?
1.) Avoid saying yes right away
When someone puts you on the spot and expects you to say yes right away, it’s awkward to say no. And you don’t have to either. Don’t give a knee jerk reaction and say yes just because you think you have to.
If you’re asked in person, they’ll expect you to have some sort of immediate reply. If it catches you off guard, your go-to statement to buy you some time should be “I know you need to make your plans but I need to think about it. Can I let you know by “x” date?”
This way, you’re already placing doubt in their minds that you may not be able to do what they’re asking of you.
Don’t push the “know by” date too far into the future. If they need to find someone to watch their kids, they also have to get a jumpstart.
If you’re asked via text, don’t reply right away. Give it some time to sink in. You can also reply via text in the same way as in person if you want some time to think about it.
2.) Don’t lie
Lying to family or anyone won’t lead to anything positive. If you lie as to why you don’t want to babysit, it’ll cause more problems for you. Keeping up with a lie is hard because the facts aren’t true. You’ll have to remember the lie and the details and since there’s no memory of an even to fall back on to, you’ll probably get caught.
Also, there might be more follow up questions to your lie, which lead to a bigger lie and a bigger problem.
Even though your intention for the lie is to preserve the relationship, it winds up doing the exact opposite. Most lies come to the surface and then you’ll be in a worse situation than you were before. Or the person you’re lying to knows you’re lying and it’ll upset them and harm your relationship.
Your goal is to solve a problem, not create a new one. So don’t lie!
3.) Quit worrying about disappointing people
If you try to please everyone, you please no one, including yourself.
You have to honor your needs in order to be the best version of yourself. If you’re putting yourself on the back burner, you’re going to burn out. When that happens you might take it out on the kids or other family members.
Disappointment is something that everyone has to face at one point or another. If you’re avoiding disappointing someone else, you’re most likely also disappointing yourself. Better them than you.
4.) Be Honest
Though it’s not necessary to explain yourself, sometimes it’s easier for the other person to receive the information if you give a reasoning behind why you don’t want to or can’t babysit. Tell them why, but keep it short.
If you need the money and they don’t pay you, say, “I’m sorry, I’m planning on getting a job and I can’t do both.”
Are you tired or busy? “I’m sorry, I can’t. I have a lot going on right now and I need some time for myself.”
Scared of the child’s age? Or you don’t get along with the kids? “I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m not comfortable being alone with kids.”
It’s literally that simple. You don’t have to put people down in, make up a lie, or ignore your needs. Apologize for not being able to babysit, and offer a little reasoning as to why.
5.) Let them get mad at you
It’s okay for people to be upset with you. You’re not living to please the world. You’re here to live your life.
You may upset someone by saying no, but that’s not reason enough to avoid doing it. That’s life. People will get upset with you no matter how hard you try to please them. So stop trying and stand up for yourself.
If you’re not honest, open, and candid with telling family members that you don’t want to babysit for them, a vicious cycle will ensue. You’ll miss out on what you need, want, and wish you could be doing. Avoiding
The short answer to your problem is you just have to do it! The things that are the most difficult for us to do are often the most important for us to accomplish. Saying no to family in any circumstance is difficult, but it’s also necessary. Muster up the courage and stand your ground.
If they won’t take no for an answer, or give you a guilt trip, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. These are signs that you’re being taken advantage of and taken for granted. And if that’s the case, you might want to read, How To Stop Being Unappreciated By Family.
I’d love if one of my brothers and sisters would offer once. You sound like a SPECTACULAR aunt 😊 don’t feel bad saying no
That’s so nice of you to say. Thank you. I try my hardest to be a great Aunt because of my desire to have close relationship with my Aunts growing up, but not having one. However, I am human and I do fail and can make improvements. It’s great to connect with other Aunts to learn from them as well. Connect with me anytime! I love hearing from my readers.
I struggle to tell my sister no when she’s in town , I honestly don’t mind spending time but at the end of the day I like to go bed at the same time (due to me having migraines) but I kid you not it ALWAYS turns into a argument…
Hi Elissa, I hear what you’re saying and that sounds be very frustrating. Have you tried talking about the sleeping arrangements before she comes over? Or you go there? I know it’s not ideal, but sometimes if you preemptively have the conversation fights can be avoided. It’s just a thought.