Dana Gutkowski
Latest posts by Dana Gutkowski (see all)
- How can I be a good aunt? - May 19, 2021
- Aunt Quotes - March 19, 2021
- End Your Silence. Support Black Lives Matter - June 29, 2020
If you search around the internet today for anything related to being an Aunt you’ll come across a lot of fluff. People want to present this family role as one that comes with ease and that’s a bit superficial. More specifically, our main role is to spoil our nieces and nephews.
And many Aunts do pursue Aunthood in this manner, but then go on platforms like Quora and ask why their nieces and nephews don’t appreciate anything. Well…ummm…you reap with you sow.
There are a lot of myths and misconceptions when it comes to being an Aunt. Yes, it’s a fantastic experience and one I’d never choose to give up. It’s truly a gift and a blessing. However, it comes with its own set of problems, guilts, and pain. Being an Aunt is not all sunshine and rainbows.
What are some of the lies, myths, and misconceptions that come with being an Aunt?
1.) Being an Aunt means there are no rules with your nieces and nephews
Well, this just sounds like utter chaos. What person would choose to be around children and not have any rules? Do you like having clean furniture? How about your dishes? Don’t mind if they’re broken? Oh, and you want candy and ice cream for dinner? That won’t bother me or your parents when you’re up at 2 AM vomiting.
It’s an exaggeration at best. Yes, we bend the rules sometimes, but we have rules. They’re necessary. If you don’t implement rules when they’re children, what do you think they’re gonna be like when they’re adults?
Aunts give special attention to your nieces and nephews, but we don’t allow them to walk all over us.
2.) Being an Aunt means we never get our hands dirty
Yes, we change dirty diapers and soiled pants. We’ve picked their boogers and wiped up their vomit. Do we do it nearly as much as parents? Absolutely not, but we’ve done it countless times nonetheless.
Active Aunts are often babysitting and looking after their nieces and nephews. The more you’re around them, the dirtier it’ll get. Kid are messy and they need help cleaning up their messes.
3.) Being an Aunt means don’t understand the pain of raising children.
Yes, we do understand. If you’re an active Aunt, teacher, nanny, pediatric nurse, or child care provider, you’ve made the choice to surround yourself with children. Therefore, you know about childhood development.
We’ve taken on the role of Mom more than once in your life but without the pregnancy woes. It doesn’t matter if Mom is not your title, you know the pains associated with raising children. In fact, it’s a contributing factor as to why some women choose not to have children in the first place.
One thing is for sure, once a child becomes your responsibility, your life becomes different. You feel the kid’s pain, you experience emotional difficulties that you didn’t know existed, and you face the guilt that’ll tear up your insides.
On the flips side, we feel new kinds of joy and discover just how strong of a woman we really are. You can do all this without ever being called Mommy.
4.) Being an Aunt means you don’t have to deal with disciplining
What? The only way this makes sense is if you’re never alone with them. You’re an adult and they’re the child. Who doesn’t discipline a child?
If the parents are in the room, they, of course, have the first and last say. However, if they’re not around, are we supposed to call their parents to discipline them? Maybe as a threat, or in extreme cases of disobedience. But if you can’t discipline a child, then you shouldn’t be left alone with one.
It’s okay to be the bad guy sometimes. Being an Aunt and having a healthy relationship doesn’t mean that you have to be liked 100% of the time. This doesn’t mean that you have to be a tyrant either.
Rock the boat, correct their wrongs, instill a punishment, and then hug it out later on. You’ll have a better long term relationship if you do.
5.) Being an Aunt is always fun
Being an Aunt is fun. It’s a unique and rewarding experience to be a role model for the children in your life. However, if you take this title seriously, it’s not always fun.
Active Aunts deal with the guilt of saying no. Our eyes must bear witness to the tears of pain as they run down the cheeks of our nieces and nephews. And our ears also have to endure the screams of sadness. It can get ugly. We’re not necessarily the cause of any of these things, but the fact that they occur in our presence is not fun, it’s gut-wrenching.
There’s a difference in being an Aunt by title and being an active Aunt by choice. An active Aunts means more involvement in your nieces and nephews lives. The more you engage with them, the more complicated, dirty, and frustrating life can be.
But that doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t do it again if given the choice. Despite the hardships, we willingly go back for more because we love them. And that’s what it really means to be an Aunt. 0% obligation. 100% dedication.
