How Aunts can prepare to be an Aunt…Again!

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Dana Gutkowski

I am the mother of none, but the very proud Aunt to four beautiful children. I did absolutely no work to create them, but I will do everything in my power to help raise them.

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Nibling Rivalry:  It’s a thing.  How Aunts can prepare for a new baby and sibling rivalry

How Aunts can prepare for a new baby?  We’ve all heard of sibling rivalry. But how many of you experienced nibling rivalry? It’s a thing for sure. Parents will more than likely be doing their homework and study up on how to broach this situation. 

There are tons of books and articles on this very topic.  One I found very informative was Big-Sibling Blues published by Parents Magazine.  But how can Aunts prepare for the arrival of the new baby?

Have no fear!  There are ways to prepare yourself for jealousy that will inevitably come.  You can love Nibling Number 2 just as much without neglecting Nibling Number 1.

Most can surely remember the exact moment when you first became an Aunt. Your whole world was likely changed in an instant as this little-being arrived and stole your heart at first sight. You’ve most likely spent years devoting all of your attention to this one little boy or girl.

You’ve babysat, visited, taken them out on adventures together, and made sure you’ve shown up to their special events and birthday parties. It’s as if there wasn’t anything that could disturb your bond and harmonious lifestyle together. It was just you and your nibling, forever besties.

Ah, but now they’re a little older and you’ve received the news that you’re going to be an Aunt for the second time. Woohoo! The more the merrier when you’re an Aunt, right?

You’re so excited to have another child come into your life. You might initially think, “It went so well the first time, the second time should be a breeze!” Little did you know, you were branded “Sole Property of…(name) ”. Though it’s a joyous occasion, it can also get complicated when new members arrive into the family.

What to Expect:

Your nibling may go through extreme mood swings. One minute they might adoring the new baby, and the next they may be despising them. It’s completely normal for them to experience this emotional tug-o-war.

No, they haven’t been possessed. Depending on the age gap between niblings, their characteristics may range in frequency and noticeability. There will most likely be signs of jealousy.

They may:

• become more clingy

• act-out for attention with temper tantrums

• withdraw from you completely

Having experienced this myself, and been witness to others l, there are things to do as Aunts to help your nibling with the change in the family dynamics.

Things to Do:

1.) Bring them a special big girl or boy gift once the baby has arrived.

Their parents will most likely be buying new items for the baby and others will be sending gifts. When my nephew, Jayden was born, my niece, Layla was given a new baby doll. It became a new member of the family, just like her brother. It was her sole responsibility to take care of it and it made her feel important. When Mommy was feeding Jayden, Layla made sure to give her baby a bottle too.

2.) Whenever possible, include them with your bonding time with the newborn.

They may become quite jealous when they see you holding your new niece or nephew. Though they have to get used to this, initially it helps if you can include them however possible. If you need something for the baby, ask them to get it for you, i.e. a binkie, blanket, or to hand you the bottle (and even learn how to hold it for the baby). But if nothing is in need, just ask them to sit with you when you hold the baby. 

I felt this the most with my oldest nephew, Jayden.  He was three years old when his brother Julian was born.  Layla quickly morphed into mom-mode once Julian came home. However, Jayden needed a bit more coaxing.  He might have felt the competition of another boy in the house.

3.) Talk-up the Importance of Becoming a Big Brother or Sister.

It’s a big deal to become the big sister or brother. Some might be really excited initially but also lost at the same time. Boost up their self-esteem with words. “You’re going to be the best big sister ever!” “I wish I had a big brother like you when I was growing up!” “As the big sister, you’re going to be able to teach the new baby so many things, like…”

I am the youngest in my family, so when I make statements like that I use my sister and brother’s names.  It makes it more believable for my niblings, but I also mean it since they were awful when I was growing up (ha! kidding…not really).

4.) Schedule “Just Us” time for the two of you.

Whether you take them out for a meal, out to the store to buy a new toy, or schedule a sleepover, that alone time will be much needed. They will need to feel like they’re just as important to you. You know they are, but kids become rattled by changes.

That extra step really does go a long way with them.  It’s an added bonus for the parents since Mom will need some time to recover after labor or her c-section.  Plus, new babies don’t really let you sleep that much, so any help is usually welcomed.

Ultimately all niblings must get used to the new addition to the family. There’s no way of getting around the jealousy, fits, or confusion they’re going to experience. It’s all part of growing up.  However, hopefully, with these tips, the transition from Aunt of one to Aunt of many will make it a bit easier for you.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

Tips for Babysitting Your Niece or Nephew

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