Dana Gutkowski
Latest posts by Dana Gutkowski (see all)
- How can I be a good aunt? - May 19, 2021
- Aunt Quotes - March 19, 2021
- End Your Silence. Support Black Lives Matter - June 29, 2020
Hello there fellow Aunts and Aunties. Welcome back to Auntieviews. I recently had the pleasure of virtually meeting Aunt Zakiya Kyles, founder of website Zakiya Styles, a Queenly and Confident a faith-based personal development firm for women and girls. Her mission is to coach, inspire, motivate and teach women and girls across the nation about health, wholeness, self-esteem, and identity. In addition to her coaching business, she’s also a Premier Director for Paparazzi Accessories. They’re famous for offering fashion-forward accessories at an affordable price of just $5.
Zakiya and I connected through a group for Aunts on Facebook. She came across as a confident Auntie who positively adores her nieces and nephews, my kinda woman! Zakiya has a seemingly strong influence over her nieces and nephews, and actively participates in shaping their lives. She frequently shares pictures and posts about their family time together on social media because she’s one of us “cool aunts.” I thought that dynamic would be fun to interview her and pick her Auntie brain, so I reached out and she accepted! Yay! So let’s get on with her Auntieview!
The Interview:
Please describe your background as an Aunt.
My journey in aunthood began with the unexpected surprise of a niece in 2000. I was 26 and living my best life when a bundle of popped on the family scene.
While unexpected, definitely a blessed gift as my one and only sister had passed the year prior.
My niece is Katilyn Nicole (17). She’s my youngest brother’s oldest child and the only girl in the crew. It would be 10 years before another niblet would come and boy did they come! Kemani Ray (8) in 2010, 2011 brought Osaro Jr. (7), 2012 brought Kyden Ray (6) and 2014 brought Harrison Chase (4).
Are you also a Mother or are you a childless Aunt?
I am a childless aunt and what I also like to call the #ChildlessMother. I have no kids, but I take the roles and opportunities to be in children’s lives serious business. It’s a part of my higher calling and I’m happy to serve.
If you can think back to when you were first told you were going to be an Aunt, what were some of the emotions that you felt?
Hahaha! After we learned of Katilyn’s presence I remember my Moma saying to me, “Hi TT Kiya” I said, WOW! I’m really someone aunt. I thought how funny. After accepting it I immediately started thinking of all the things I could buy and get for my niece, my new baby doll. Lol!
What do your nieces or nephews call you?
I’m called TT Kiya. It’s a term commonly used in African-American families which is an extreme abbreviation of Auntie. I love it and believe me each of them have a way of saying TT Kiya that makes me come running!
Many Aunts are often looked at and referred to as second Moms to their niblings. Do you feel like that’s a fair way to describe of your relationship with yours?
This is subjective depending on the situation. My niblets seem to draw to me with the things their parents will say no to. I allow them to try more, do more and wave the banner for their creativity.
Do you live close to your nieces and nephews or are you a long-distance Aunt?
Since returning to my home state I am closer to Katilyn, Nicole, Osaro Jr. and Harrison Chase. We live in the same city and so I see them about five times a week.🤗🤗🤗 Kemani Ray and Kyden Ray are military babies. They are stationed in California, so needless to say I don’t see them often. They visited this summer and believe me the time was too short. 😔😔😕😕😓😓
As an Aunt, what do you consider to be the biggest value you bring to your family?
With my family, I offer support and reinforcement of character building for strong morals and values. The more a kid hears the same lessons being shared over time the more they get it. We believe in the village helping to rear and steer kids in the direction they should go. With this, I get to pour into the lives of many kids not biologically related to me.
In general, why do you think Aunts are important within to families?
Aunties provide an extension of love and care parents give to their children’s lives.
Even though your niblings needs have evolved from when they were very young until now, is there anything about your relationship with them that has remained constant?
They always ask me for the things their parent’s give an immediate NO to. I love it because this is what makes our bonds special! Right now, the 18-year-old asks to use my car, because it is not often she drives her parent’s cars. Lol!
I make it a point to schedule “just us” time with my niblings. Do you do the same?
Not at this time because I see them often. During the holidays we do make special trips to community events for special experiences and exposure.
What is one good piece of advice that you would give it to any new Aunt?
Be an open book to your niblets. This creates a special bond with them for years to come.
What is one of the biggest difficulties you’ve experienced as an Aunt?
Enforcing boundaries is hard and at times learning to keep my peace when I don’t agree with parental decisions. I really don’t like to see them punished.
What’s your proudest moment as an Aunt?
Anytime they take steps to do things, go for things they truly desire. TT Kiya will always be one of their biggest fans. #KylesTheNextGeneration
If you could go back in time and give your younger Auntie self a piece of advice but would it be? And why?
Instead of spending money on all the cute and cool stuff, establish a college savings fund. My niece is graduating from high school this year, and having additional funds to assist her parents is always a good thing. It’s an investment in #KylesTheNextGeneration .
I was once told that being a Mom is all cake and being an Aunt is like icing on the cake. How do you feel about that comparison?
I agree and the more actively involved you are in their lives the more icing they receive. Trust me!
If you had to compare your relationship as an Aunt to one food what would it be and why?
I would compare it to a fruit bowl. There is variety in the bowl and with variety comes tastes. Some fruit you’re OK as is. Some fruit requires additional sweeteners and that’s OK because either way you consume it, it is pleasing to you.
Would you like to share your story of Aunthood?
Use the contact form below and I’ll email you back to get your Auntieview started!
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Take The Enchanted Aunt Quiz to find out what type of Auntie you are!
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